An Ode to 2009
I have never felt so compelled to write something like this but this past year has been quite a terrific journey. I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve seen and experienced things I had not thought to be possible.
New Years rang in with three men (more so children but we’ll leave that be) I loathe the most. Yes, I did say loathe. I thought this to be a bad sign, and for this year to be completely tragic, but luckily they soon left after the 12 o’clock hour and I was left with my best friend and we cleaned, watched a movie and fell asleep.
I had a wonderful experience during my last class at MUD in Burbank, Ca. With an exception for the last day of class, in which I had a total break down. It was embarrassing but I moved on. I wasn’t sure if it were the nerves of suddenly being tossed into the world. I no longer would have safety net of schooling, no more teachers and friends to rely on everyday. It could also very well have been my eagerness to get out of LA and back to Modesto, home with friends and family. Perhaps a bit of both.
On my arrival back into town I immediately began setting up photo shoots with various photographers. All good in their unique style I quickly found that in northern california the style I needed for my work was hard to come by and experimented a lot. Every photographer and every model taught me something new. Even if I did not use the final photos I use their knowledge and bring along a little piece of each individual to every shoot. My taste, my style, my passion expanded, narrowed, morphed completely. I’ve learned new makeup tips and tricks that I love passing onto others. I have formed friendships that would have never existed if it weren’t for my move back home, Lindsey, Scot, Aaron, and Christine to name a few. However now, after almost a year of being home I greatly feel the desire to move yet again to the city of angels to expand my portfolio and gain even greater experiences. I truly believe that I have grown as much as I possibly can here and a move would greatly improve my work. We will see what this next year has in store for me, you never know.
I also had a major piece of body art done this year. Okay yes, you may call it a tattoo, but it is truly amazing work of art. It signifies The Father, Son, & Holy Spirit intertwined with the relationship of my family members and grandparents. It was placed and drawn to be able to add on as well. I have also been thinking about an entire back piece as well but the cost of this piece has set me back quite a bit so I think It’ll be a while.
Many people questioned me as to whether I should get a tattoo and I at times had questioned myself, “what if I meet some one special and he doesn’t like tattoo’s or he doesn’t like mine” Its quite amazing how many people actually had that same ‘question’ really. I finally came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t be ‘the one’ then, because he will love it.
March 25 my ‘nephew’ was born. He was so small, I was terrified to hold him, I thought he would break with the slightest touch and that mindset lasted at least six months. I love him so much this little guy is amazing and is something to live for. Even he teaches me something everyday, amazes me and amuses me too. He brightens up my day no matter the awful situation I may be facing. Its wonderful.
This was also a year of losing money. I lost a ton of money having some hoitey toitey company set up my website, then they tried to charge me more to fix every thing they did wrong. I then proceeded to hire someone else, whom I do not regret in the least bit, he was an amazing help, however I still lost money because I recently found out I could have created my own website all along with my MacBook. I have, and I hope it to be up and running soon. I lost my D&G sunglasses recently as well. I bought way too many clothes for photo shoots that never happened. Renting a station at a salon full time, but I hardly break even, especially after buying all the new gadgets for starting up. Gas going to jobs that don’t pay. Business license, fictious name, liability insurance, business cards, advertising, tee shirts, free services. But guess what? I am okay with it and have accepted that it is all part of the process, all part of building my business, even if my goal isn’t to be up north. You live, you learn, you deal.
My relationships with my friends have always been so-so, although I love them all. Only a couple of friends called me more than a handful of times throughout my stay in southern california. Upon my move home I had to make the effort to see them, but this, I am used to and hasn’t changed too much. This has made me rely and love my family all the more. My mother and I have an unbreakable bond. I realize that my brother and sister are my best friends. And that I cry even when my dad says good-bye to me at my apartment. I have become closer to many cousins that I have never been close to before. I had an amazing time this year being apart of their lives and being able to enjoy my time with them all.
And most importantly, I have learned that there is indeed a me without you. We’ll see how it goes this next year.
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